Apology Koby
To begin with, I know this comes late and for that I sorely, dearly apologise. I know that we have had a relationship rife with rocky episodes, of which I am ready to accept as being, or at the very least originating, via my actions. Those actions I cannot take back. While I fear words would ultimately fail in conveying the depth of my regret and sorrow, and most of all dread their failure, in spite of my best effort, to bring any sort of the solace you deserve, I nevertheless beseech you to consider the following missive, in the best of faith one could muster in so regrettable a situation.
Finding myself seized by fervid emotion, emotion which had obviously been building in me for some time and which, responsibility-wise, I cannot by any means lay at your feet, I conducted myself in so deplorable and beyond unacceptable a manner that, regardless of your intention, cannot and should not be excused. My comportment, I recognise, and that with great sorrow, caused you pain of all levels and with that, confusion. And while this text continues in its failure to adequately restitute the consequences of what, due wholly on my part, transpired, I assert total culpability and pledge to make amends and ultimately reparation, not such that I find acquittance but, rather, so that such ignoble, destructive yet spineless behaviour never again finds itself a part of our liaison or, as I was indeed surprised, yet softened, to hear you call it, love. You are deserving of haven, an oasis in the desert of this trying life, when in my company; to lay my hands on you was fully the opposite of such, and then some. Nothing justifies that.
I revere and idolise you; in my esteem I hold you like I neither do nor have any other. I have already concluded to seek counsel and am doing so actively. More than anything I want the dynamic we share to blossom, not wither; for this, I resolve to, with any and all help available, ascertain the root causes of my swift reliance on violence and other unacceptable "means" of addressing what in a moment overwhelms me, and securing constructive means of dealing with my emotions and passions.
I pray, and that with all my heart, that you find in this missive a true spirit of contrition. I humbly ask your forgiveness for the suffering I have caused. Whatever it is you should need, a recess or even, regardless of how it hurts my heart to consider, a hiatus, to mend your heart, that I shall honour. I do, all the same, hold the deepest faith that we can emerge from this trial, and do so rejuvenated and galvanised in our affection and empathy. Maybe there remain items to address; ask me if you feel so inclined, but I will not hold you to it. Just your presence is like a wonderful medicine for me, and every day apart from you I indeed suffer; I thereby lick my lips over only your heart and your touch, and the depth of feeling it brings to mine eternal being like none other ever has or ever could.
Again, I tender the most sincere of apologies, from the bottom of my heart, and in doing so pray that we can ultimately move forward, together conjuring a simple bridge under which this may flow freely like water.
I love you.